Before we start lets get one thing straight, I don’t claim to be an authoritarian on the God idea, who is? I mention early on in the intro page to my blog that I follow no organised religion. Thats not to say I’m prejudiced against them, on the contrary I respect a lot of their principles and don’t judge to harshly their mistakes. I try not to judge anybody nowadays. Its easier said than done at times but I do practice. I find it hypocritical how we can damn somebody for committing an offence, any offence, just because they have been ordained into some believe system, while on the other hand show a massive unrealistic approach to rehabilitating the sicker, non remorseful repeat offenders of our society. It is what it is and I’m cool with it. Lets face it none of us are perfect. I love Brad Warners recount in his book “Zen wrapped in chocolate dipped in Karma” – of a Zen Buddhist Master seducing his pupil then the rest of the flock screaming for his crucifixion – even the Zennys are at it.
What do we think God makes of all this, who knows… who knows if there is a God? Western society has moved quite a distance in recent times away from the whole idea of some Heavenly Father. I certainly reject the idea of some old man with a beard swapping seats from cloud to throne, but the question still remains – who moved?
As the years passed I bought into the whole “Self -Sufficiency” theory where nobody admits to their mistakes, hides there feelings and true beliefs and generally sooner or later collapses under the shear weight of unrealistic expectations. We certainly know how to throw a party!
Getting back to it, I don’t really give a rats ass about religion, I don’t believe God does either.
My encounter with the Big Guy is a deeply personal and intimate relationship. I do the work and He makes the outcomes into whatever He decides best and I’ve learned to grateful for that in a big way. Its never what I would have planned, always something better.
Things were very different in my life for a long time. I no longer believe in coincidences, but back when I did quite a few happened in short succession, in a time and a place that I experienced a loneliness I never knew existed. The bottle had me beat, had done for quite some time, but by nature I’m a tenacious bastard so I wanted to go one more round, and another and another. I took quite a beating and even the sicker element of my character had ceased to enjoy it.
I can identify totally with “Bills Story” (Big Book AA) when Ebby Thatcher visits Bill in his former grandiose Brooklyn home (then a disheveled wreck – like Bill himself). Bill mocks Ebby for his new found believe in a Power Greater than himself, even though he admits his friend (who he had always considered a more hopeless drunk than himself) was looking and sounding fantastic. “My friend then suggested I choose my own conception of God”. A few days after in Towns Hospital NYC (1935) Bill-W experienced something that not only changed his life but that of millions of others, he was alone at the time! His own concept, and in his own words – “It is better to meet God alone than with one who may not understand.”
Thats were I am with it today – my own concept and alone with it. Everybody must find their own way, and thats the beauty of it – the second Step says CAME to Believe!, “God doesn’t make too hard work of those who earnestly seek him.” The realisation is that when earnestly seeking – He’s everywhere. I mean where else would he be. He is the man alone in the church, the desperate drunk chained to the bottle, the warm handshake of a friend, a smile from a stranger, the gentle quiet voice whispering encouragement under the screaming bullshit of the world. He is everything in this Universe that we don’t understand. Everything we miss and take for granted. Because to truly begin to understand what can’t be understood we must first develop a courage to walk in there alone.