FEAR!!!

Fear…

“This short word somehow touches every aspect of our lives, it was an evil and corroding thread. The very fabric of our existence was shot through with it…” (Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous).

FEAR – Described in 500 words:

Fuck Everything And Run or Face Everything And Recover!

I prefer – Fantastic Expectations Amazing Revelations…

Since I got Sober – Son Of a Bitch Everything is Real, I have been confronted by all of the Step 4 inventory headings. It was an extremely painful and drawn out process that I won’t go into depth about in this post. If I take my eye off the ball and forget the lessons then I fully expect I will go through it again. I truly believe I was dragged through a crash course, taken to Rock Bottom with my most glaring of defects and given a severe and humbling beating. I can now see that I was lovingly protected every ‘Step’ of the way by a Higher Power and helped to overcome. That was my introduction to ‘Step 6’.

Fear is one of them defects. I never realised how much ‘The fabric of my life…’ until I could no longer go to the well and top up on chemical courage. I had no idea I was doing that until I could no longer do it. That was an Amazing Revelation!! People, my former self included like to believe courage is the opposite of fear. ‘Step 7’ requires me to practice the opposite of anything negative that is engrained in me. Practice it every time the negative thought, feeling or behaviour arises. Difficult at first but with the correct use of willpower it slowly gets easier and easier until the old habit dies (or… goes to sleep!) and the new one takes its place. The problem here is courage and fear go hand in hand they are not opposites. Courage is the ability and desire to do the next right thing regardless of fear. It is an incredible virtue. But not the opposite that ‘Step 7’ suggests.

The opposite of fear is Faith. Faith grows from the lived past experience that all turns out well in the end. Maybe it turns out differently from what I would have hoped for or planned, but never the less it always turns out ok. It must have done… I’m still breathing!  

Fear is a primitive instinct that serves us well when we are in a fight or flight situation. However this is rarely the case. The majority of our fears are based on projection. Fantasies about a future event, 5 minutes from now or 5 weeks from now for example. They are never positive fantasies, always heavily negative with a disastrous outcome of sorts. The modern terminology for this is – Catastrophizing!

When gripped by fear especially worry, panic or terror (take your pick it has 1000 forms), it takes a lot of courage to hold onto faith. The desire to burst out screaming and run for cover can be overwhelming. However, when through past experience, remembering that these Fantastical Expectations giving off alarm bells and flashing red lights are nothing more than an illusion produced by an ego under threat- then we can see our own insanity.

Understanding that we are never sane until we can see our own insanity is an Amazing Revelation! As is the awareness that, through this I get to see ‘Step 2’ once again very gently infiltrate my life and that something Much Greater than myself has my back.

 

Day 13 of the WordPress #everydayinspiration challenge suggests I experiment with word count. To either double or half the amount of words from my regular posts. I normally weigh in between 1000 -1200 words. This post lands on the page at 580.
“I’m pulling for you to push through this feeling and with a little time should do the healing” ~ Eminem (Beautiful Pain)
“Every time he tries to look within himself, Pride says, ‘You need not pass this way,’ and Fear says ‘You dare not look!’ But pride and fear of this sort turn out to be bogeymen,nothing else” ~ 12Steps & 12 Traditions pp.49-50

D&O in Fresno

 

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